dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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