I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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