Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
