I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
