Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
