No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
