I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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