Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
