I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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