i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
