shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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