One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
