I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize