I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
