she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize