Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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