My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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