if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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