3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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