Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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