I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
