I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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