Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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