areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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