I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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