You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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