Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
