mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
two words...techno handjob
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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