The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
