shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
