do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We talked him into tasing himself.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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