you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
