I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
