Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
