So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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