he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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