Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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