Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
