Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
