You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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