my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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