Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize