Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize