my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
