Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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