Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
