So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
