It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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