i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
