I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
