Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
