now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
