that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
