Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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