When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
