The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize