and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
