You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize