That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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